there you go
you've decided to take a step into my shed of memories
a place where i voice out my feelings
do leave your footprints behind
Have A Nice Day!
Decent Guy
Alvin Wong Wei Mun
6th March 1989
Pisces
Nanyang JC <0619> St.Gabriel's Secondary <4E2> Ai Tong Primary <6L>
<Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I Wish...
I've been up to my neck wif studies n ccas 4 d past few weeks... so preoccupied tt i almost couldn't breathe...
I've been sleeping 4 less den 5hrs each day... n my energy level is really waning le... i really dunno how much i can hold on...
How i wish tt life was as simple as last time... when i was as innocent as a primary sch kid back den in Ai Tong... where i can find real joy n friends everyday...
How i wish i can live in a place w/o worries n frustration... how i wish i can be as free as when i was in St. Gabs... where nth seems 2 be able 2 trouble me...
But i guess tts all in d past... n there's no way tt i can turn back d time... haizzz... so wat? Look forward lor...
Haizzz... since d very 1st day tt i stepped into ny... which was on my birthday... life is no longer d same...
Last time... when ppl ask me 2 describe my life... i would say fulfilling... fun... trouble-free...
Now... i would use words like stress... busy n so on...
How i wish i can turn back time... so tt i can remake my choice... if tts d case... many things would hav been different... i may not be in ny...
I was in cj 1st 3 months... n wanted 2 stay there cos life was free n fun... But i guess heaven was playin tricks on me again... I taiko-ly got 10 pts 4 my 'O' level... n tt gave me tots of joining a better cj... cos i felt tt 10pts go cj abit lang fei...
After much deliberation... i ended up choosing ny... partly cos of my parents... n partly cos my best buddy is goin into ny...
In any case... no pt whining abt it... i shld be looking forward since im alrd in ny for abt 1 yr le...
In ny... life was much much more stressful... I'm used 2 being 1 of d tops in St.Gabs... but now i feel tt im so insignificant...
When i scored 80... ppl score 90... n when i score 90... ppl score 100...
I believe tt i can score much better den them... if only i hav more motivation n time 2 study...
Well... looking at things now... i tink it's not possible...
1st... during 1st 3 months cj taught very slow... n i've problems catchin up ny's pace... so... my foundation was weak 2 start wif...
2nd... im still not used 2 d lecture system... i feel tt most of d time i cannot 100% understand d whole lecture... at most is 90% only... so... i hav many doubts in each topic 4 every subject...
3rd... sch ended much later in jc n in sec sch... n somemore wif cca... schedule is more packed... which means less study time...
So ya... d only way 2 do well is 2 start mugging hard everyday now... but im really dead beat... no strength 2 mug... somemore i got no motivation oso...
Anw... sidetrack from studies... i got 2 noe one good friend in ny... someone tt i can call bro... Now... i got 2 brothers le... n tt lead 2 d formation of d decent trio... Well... i guess tts only d thing tt makes me feel tt i'm making d right choice 2 stay in ny...
Apart from tt... my class is not very bonded... there r distinct cliques... which i tink is due 2 wat had happened during d 1st 3 months n d recent blog war...
Cca-wise... i felt tt i've made d right choice in choosing ss... although most of my friends suan me 4 choosing tis cca... i really dun regret it... i kinda enjoy staying there cos there i'm free 2 make choices...
As 4 dance... many implication arises since i joined dance...
1st... i joined dance cos of 'sgc'... dunno if i've made d right choice but i chose 2 join...
2nd... n most imptly... studies affected adversely... i tried very hard 2 manage my time well... n i somehow did... but den i much more tired den wat i've expected... in the end my daily routine changed... last time reach home i'll study... now reach home??? Sleep w/o fail...
3rd... spending less time wif my family...cos i always reach home late... n im oso askin 4 extra allowances... Now... my mum is pissed wif me...
4th... n of course... making a bunch of new friends... some of which i feel lucky 2 noe them... some of which i wish i do not noe them...
Knowing tis new group of friends => dansez-le... made me further feel tt i've made d right choice in choosing ny... i felt tt life was more fun in ny wif them arnd... thank you ppl...
On d other hand there r some who destroy my good impression 4 ny... So wat if they hav high IQ when their EQ is low!!!
Truth be told... i've known a few friends who i really hate them... n their presence really cause alot of unhappiness 4 me...
Haizzz... some r juz plain arrogant n always show d 'look-down-on-u' face...
Some really noe how 2 take advantage of d situation...
Some are hypocrites...
They can really act well... so well u tot they r somebody tt can be trusted...
They exposed ur secrets after gaining ur trust... n before u can react or do anything... u've learnt a good lesson of not 2 be too trusting...
They smile in front of u... den backstab u in ur back... tts d 'best offensive move' i'll say... cos there's no room or any signs of warning 2 defend urself against it...
These kind of ppl r d most difficult 2 deal wif... cos they can juz deceive whoeva they like wif their 'natural ability'...
They gain ppl trust easily wif their facade... toying their feelings...
Haizzz... well... i can only hav myself 2 blame 4 being too trusting... i tot all my friends r trustable but im wrong... i tink maybe my mentally is still stuck in primary sch...
Now... d decent trio has got a taste of it... so i only hope we'll be d last 'victim'... n tt there'll be no more 'victims' from now on...
My advice... take a good look at d ppl arnd u... u may well be d next target unknowingly...
Haizzz... toking so much abt how much i hate hypocrite n ppl who resort 2 backstabbing... here i am bloggin w/o mentioning their names... n i tink there's oso no difference from backstabbing ba... maybe it's call 'indirect backstabbing'???
Den again... maybe im a hypocrite too... cos no one can tell how i feel...
When im angry... i kept in within myself... dun show it 2 others... sometimes even my brothers oso dunno...
When im sad... i bottle up my feelings... dun show it 2 others... lest affect their feelings/moods...
When im happy... i'll show it... cos i like d feeling of bringing joy 2 d ppl arnd me...
Sometimes even when im sad or angry... i'll still smile n crack jokes... i look so normal tt no one can tell im not happy...
So ya... i look d same most of d times... n most of d times i look happy... no one can really tell whether im feeling sad, angry or happy at tis moment... so i tink im fake in a way too...
Hu~~~ feeling better after pouring everything now... hey brothers... i tink i've nv told u all these rit... actually sometimes i hide things from u all... really very sorry ar...
And i tink there may be less outing next time le... cos i wanna spend more time wif my family... now they r pissed wif me... n im oso feelin bad... cos i've changed... somemore i noe tt im really not showing them any result... n all i do is go home late n sleep... so ya... hope u can understand...
Anw... i've been tinking of all these stuffs lately... n always ended up sleeping late... so here i am bloggin at 3am... couldn't sleep well... juz feel d sudden urge 2 pour out d feelings i've bottled up so long...